Ancient History

It's been probably around two years since I've even so much as looked at this page, but I managed to find it and have decided to begin again. Many things have changed, and I don't know that I will ever go into it in detail on this page. I don't want to.
Looking for Sean's poetry to put to music is what brought me back here. I lost the original draft I had, and cut up the hard copy to make a poster with, so I find my old page to find his. He's one of the only ones who posted comments. Him and some advertising bots.
I left Washington a wreck, and am back in Honolulu now. Blake helped me create my first myspace account about three months ago and I've been posting music I've been making there. (myspace.com/ellepsis)
Been playing the upright piano my family has in the kitchen a whole lot, and am madly in love with it, even though it's out of tune and some of the lower notes don't even hit. Actual pianos, compared to electric, have such amazingly rich sound and really has an effect on the environment. The new kitten my sister got likes to sleep on my lap while I play, or sleep on the piano itself, or chase the hammers inside it when I open the hatch. I love that kitten (which incidently my sister named Kitty Girl and I've secretly been calling her Cheeba Cheeba).
Honolulu has been pretty good to me so far, certainly better than I've been to it. Thank you sunshine.

It is high time we've given up

whatamIdoingwhatIdoingwhatamIdoingwhatamIdoingwhatIdoingwhatamIdoingwhatamIdoingwhatIdoingwhatamIdoingwhatamIdoingwhatIdoingwhatamIdoingwhatamIdoingwhatIdoingwhatamIdoingwhatamIdoingwhatIdoingwhatamIdoing

what to do with all this bad music

I've been on a vacation from work recently. It get's better sometime soon I promise.
Somewhere

Business as unusual

Got the apartment. Where are all my friends (cry cry)? It's no longer a matter of patience but perhaps one of respect. No, I shouldn't think such things, it would be too easy. Is it wrong to have high expectations of the people I call friends? But then I shouldn't allow such emotions space in my life. If there is one emotion I think I understand it is Anger, and anger takes up more space in my brain than any other emotion. It's crippling.

"There are feelings that you must kill

before the feelings kill you."

-Nietzsche

everything as a water-colored blur

Har har I'm homeless
again
but it won't last, I've got the paperwork (meaning money) and I've got an apartment. I just can't move in until I pay the first months rent which is in my bank account which is inacessible. 'It's all about timing.'
So what's new dude?
Well, Dan and I had what you might call an argument this morning, although you'd be wrong. It was more like 'Well, this is how I've been feeling recently. . ." and due to the nature of these feelings I decided that it would be prudent to leave. So it's the streets for two nights, then my brand new apartment. It's a cubicle really, but it's got a bedroom so at least I'll have the privacy that I couldn't afford earlier. As a side note Dan and I left on good terms, no yelling or anything. The landlady/apartment manager was nice enough to let me put all my crap in the apartment. As a homeless person I am dependent on strangers. I wish I had some booze for the weekend. Fare ye well.

A decent man's excuse or 'I like it the way it is'

haven't slept yet
day two
worked a 65-hour week. Before this I had not worked so much as 30 hours in one week. It's a good thing that the job I have allows me to be what I like.
So much for the aftershock. There isn't a moment left to itself, I mean, here I am in the library writing this after not having slept. I can't turn off the auto-pilot. I'm collecting habits like a secretary (wait, I am a secretary. . .)
The more I work the more I want. Some sort of unconsciuos compensatory mindset digging in hour after hour. Like I deserve something. This sort of dangerous thinking.
Cognitive Mindset: Chemical Dependant Joy
I'm developing something of a drug problem (to say nothing of the agony my delicate knee has been in, I have a very fragile body, and must treat it with more care.)
Where the fuck is Blake?

Blah blah bleh

hey
working 40hour+/week
tough luck
only squares fit